“I’m on a self-improvement kick so I forgave myself pretty quickly for not having the capacity to take care of others. I focused on my needs. Do I feel lonely? How do I engage? Do I feel powerless? How do I contribute? Am I feeling overwhelmed? How can I release some of these emotions safely?“
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been preparing my mind for the outcome. I didn’t know who would win or lose, all I knew was that some Americans might be pleased, some might be very upset, and many might feel ambivalent. I wanted to prepare enough spaciousness in me to hold my confusion and the hopes, joys, fears, and confusion of my community.
At least, that was the plan. What ended up happening was a hodgepodge of emotions filtering through me. There were moments when I felt lonely, moments where I felt powerless. Sometimes my anger would frighten me, the way it flared hot and bright when I thought of my most vulnerable loved ones in harm’s way. It was simply too chaotic inside of me to try and hold space for myself and others simultaneously.
I’m on a self-improvement kick so I forgave myself pretty quickly for not having the capacity to take care of others. I focused on my needs. Do I feel lonely? How do I engage? Do I feel powerless? How do I contribute? Am I feeling overwhelmed? How can I release some of these emotions safely? I stayed present with my feelings and needs.
I’ve broken my list of questions into three categories. Beneath each category is a media or associated activity that helped me transition from one end to the other.
Lonely? Engage:
I joined a queer comic book club called Rochester Queer Comics
I go on walks with my spouse & colleagues
I text a friend
I write a letter to myself and hide it for “future me” to find
Powerless? Empower:
I retaught myself how to crochet
I am learning about my brain and how it works
I am curious about people who voted differently
Overwhelmed? Escape:
The English Teacher
What We Do in the Shadows
Trashy Romance Novels
Karaoke
On “Escaping”
recognize that talk of “escapes” could hinder the amount of work that must be done. However, I am a firm believer that I can fill up my cup in my own way and return with the same energy to continue this important work of finding and maintaining a beloved community. Rest is radical. Getting some space from painful feelings and finding ways to be kind to ourselves, even just for a moment, is the practice of resilience. The practice of bouncing back. Take the time you need to do this in whatever harmless way you can.
I also asked a few of my colleagues to share some of what they’ve been reading, watching, and listening to. Below is just a sampling of the media that my colleagues consume.
Bianca
Katie
Michael
I have made some of these items clickable and encourage you to explore as much or as little as you like. What are some ways that you engage and empower yourself? Escape is also a strategy to self-soothe. What are some ways that help you find calm? Engage with us!
Imagining with you,
Alexandria
